Random poetry

Yes I’m bored again…..

He was the one,
who was always there.
To conceal his sorrow,
And wipe away my tears.

But I was to him,
as he was to me.
Just friends and nothing more.

That was the way it would have to stay,
Chances are something I just can’t take.
To afraid to tell you the truth,
To hard to keep it a secret.

But I was to him,
as he was to me,
Just friends and nothing more.

The years passed by,
and I watched him slowly slip away.
But no one can see the tears that I shed,
longing for the past.

But I was to him,
as he was to me.
Just friends and nothing more.

It seems we’ve grown up a bit.
I’m now a girl,
and he’s now a boy.
No longer a best friend.

But I was to him,
as he was to me.
Just friends and nothing more.

So here I am.
At the end of our journey.
I just have to say,
That I never once thought,
That I’d be giving you away to another girl.

1 comment October 4, 2007

I’m going nuts

I’m going crazy.

Im used to my occasional mental breakdowns but today was worse than ever.

Normally i just feel depressed, and cant stop thinking of suicide thoughts and such..

But today…
I was feeling extremely depressed for basically no reason (my teacher yelled at me for a small thing, thats all) and my vision started to go blurry and such. I went to my locker to grab my stuff and I could not remember my combination even though i had entered it in the morning. I looked at my agenda where I could have sworn (and I’m pretty positive) I wrote my combination down. It dissapeared somehow. I had to get janitors help to open my locker. But after that, I got back to my desk and could not find my book. I had apperantly put it back in my locker when i was at it a few minutes ago. I couldnt remember anything. I felt as if i had amnesia.
hell, I couldnt even remember my name.

but about an hour later I felt fine and remembered everything.
God I am SO confused X_x

1 comment October 2, 2007

Floating in confusion:

Who am I? What am I? This body which keeps my soul.
Lost in a void. Alone in a world of fantasy and a world of reality.
Where confusion starts. Why is it that I, who still stays alive, am here. Yet over there in another realm, another place, another time, here, there, everywhere.
A soul with nothing to serve.
Floating, walking in this life form.
Nothingness, is that the only pupose? Is it to live to look forward to death? Nothing seems alive anymore. No one around, no one over there, no one over here. Here in this cascading darkness yet light glows. Something familiar yet not. In the mirror I see myself staring at me. Is it me? Or is it from another realm? It looks like me but not me.
I am me. Myself. A person who seeks life in this reality, who forever walks in this fantasy. Who walks away from everyone. Hiding in a dark room. The doors sealed. Can anyone open the door to the light? To the reality? Until that happens, I shall remain here as I am. As myself. In the darkness.
I am a shadow of who I will never be, never hope to be. Alone in this shy pool of emptiness, An empty feeling in this void.

Add a comment September 18, 2007

Music is what I feel

It was only twice now that I went to
The sound of the night blasting through my ears
Blasting through what I’ve been
A mental block within my mind
All those deafening beliefs that made me blind
All gone away as I dance through all the years
Annual buildups demolished in one night
And to attest to all the irrationalities I amend
To this vibration I held away from
Until now.
I dance to the beat
Towards the feeling of extasy
All my problems gone away
Blown away from the sound of reality
That everything will be alright.
Because I am alive.
Until my legs give in to the morning’s light

Add a comment September 17, 2007

This is one of my favorite poems, I wrote it way back when I was in 6th grade.

I am an eagle in the sky,
souring high,
through clear blue skies,
clouds may come and so I walk,
past the wars of blood and muck,
I will walk into the night,
kiss your children,
say goodnight.

1 comment September 4, 2007

For my entire life I have had no friends. Well, there was one time in my life. I had some in high school but that seems so far away now as I keep getting older and older.

Anyway, I’ve been stuck in community college because I didn’t get high enough grades in high school therefore I have to work my way up and transfer. I have finished all the classes except those in math and science. I am stuck doing remedial math courses because the community college has such a strict assessment test that is required in order to attend. I can’t pass it, I’ve tried so many times. So, I’m stuck doing remedial math. These classes have some of the most strict teachers I’ve ever seen and it took me 4 times just to pass Algebra 1. I am now taking Algebra 2 and I am failing it. At this rate, being able to go to the college I wanted to so long ago seems so far away. I am going to be an old and bitter man by the time I get there.

I don’t understand it either. Even though I did Algebra 1 and 2 in high school, they will not let me take any regular level classes until I either pass their remedial classes (or score well enough on their computerized assessment test of instant 1 mistake death) which are even harder than they were in high school.

I can’t take any other classes unless I either pass the assessment or finish both Algebra 1 and 2 (which is taking forever for me to do). They all require either one of the two conditions to be met as a prerequisite.

So I’m stuck here living with my mom trying to pass these classes which are getting me nowhere.

I remember when I was younger, I dreamed of going to a big university and all the cool things I’d do and all the people I would meet, hell I even thought of partying it up even though that’s not really the way I am. I never expected to be 21 (soon enough 22) and still trying to pass remedial math at community college.

I just feel so alone too. I’m stuck here with nobody to talk to. All of my friends have all gone to university or graduated. Had I done better in school, I could’ve probably joined them (some are still on my facebook going to local universities) . I keep getting older and older and it just gets worse. I never really thought much about it when I was younger, that is about making friends and such although at times it just happened. I’ve tried joining clubs and meeting people at the community college but the people there are mostly adults who have kids, people with low expectations/aspirations, and well, lots of foreigners, people from India/Pakistan mostly, and other types of people to that effect. That’s not the only thing, people all keep to themselves in this college. Everyone just seems to be there to do the work and come home. It’s not really the most social place to be (even the student clubs don’t meet or talk that much). I sometimes feel out of place there with all the adult students and such (although at this rate, I’m probably going to become old too, how depressing…)

I just want to get out of here. I’m tired of living here. I try so damn hard to pass these math classes and I end up falling short each time. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to be in this school anymore. I don’t want to live here, I want to be on my own and not live with my mom. I want to be in a university and experience life there on my own with other students my age, hell go freakin party it up or something that would feel great right now (although I don’t drink, but you know what screw that I’d be willing to I mean… that would feel really good right now). Ugh I’m talking too much again..

1 comment October 18, 2006

Alleys of Islets

Series of valleys and shaded alleys,
Protected by trees makes travel a breeze.

Getting there faster could be disaster,
For lying in wait, in a readied state,

Terrible creatures with horrible features,
Planning to attack when you turn your back.

Amongst the danger, curious stranger,
Lie paths all around, waiting to be found.

A quick trip down south will water your mouth.
Delicious new broth, gather salt with cloth.

Feel free to explore or sit on the shore.
There’s more to endure so on with the tour!

Further south some more you will find a door,
Inside of this place, an omnious face.

His messages warn that our world’s forlorn,
“Darkness upon us…” he says without fuss,
“Evil can be fun,” but with him, we’re done.
The south and the west, last part of our quest.

The west to begin, many creatures within.
Among them beware, though he is quite rare,

Elusive strange thing, confused with stage thing.
When he finally dies pick up your prize.

Complete your affair, head back if you dare,
Or will you remain and forget our campaign?

Finally the marsh, though it may be harsh,
Wandering around explorers are found.

With skin like a stone and club like a bone,
Fangs like a snake, breath like a drake.

Though they’re quite dumb try not to succumb,
They travel in groups like soldiers or troops.

If you make it through you’ll reach Ham’ Nam-Do,
Where Komgo suggests you take on his quests.

Try Nogh’s ogre brew, it’s long overdue,
Say “Hi” to Log or beat up on Slog.

Though the tour’s complete do not rest your feet,
For new alleys emerge where old paths diverge.

Add a comment March 5, 2006